Confronting The Problem
Confronting the problem may or may not involve confronting the individual. It is usually best not to immediately and directly accuse the individual of using drugs because denial is a likely response. Unless one has irrefutable evidence, the person is entitled to be presumed innocent. What one can object to are behaviors, whether or not they are known to be influenced by drugs, which are interfering with family life. These behaviors may take any number of forms: apathy, irritability, neglect of personal hygiene, belligerence, argumentiveness, and so forth. Since the problem of drug use is a very serious and complicated matter, it should be addressed in a careful deliberate manner. It is best not to try to deal with the individual when he or she appears to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol, nor when family members are feeling most emotionally upset about the situation. Avoid making dire threats such as calling the police, resorting to hospitalization, or exclusion from the home unless you really mean to do it. There is a risk that you may say things under the stress of the situation that you don't mean. It is important that your relative knows where he or she stands with you and that you mean what you say.
Confronting the problem may or may not involve confronting the individual. It is usually best not to immediately and directly accuse the individual of using drugs because denial is a likely response. Unless one has irrefutable evidence, the person is entitled to be presumed innocent. What one can object to are behaviors, whether or not they are known to be influenced by drugs, which are interfering with family life. These behaviors may take any number of forms: apathy, irritability, neglect of personal hygiene, belligerence, argumentiveness, and so forth. Since the problem of drug use is a very serious and complicated matter, it should be addressed in a careful deliberate manner. It is best not to try to deal with the individual when he or she appears to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol, nor when family members are feeling most emotionally upset about the situation. Avoid making dire threats such as calling the police, resorting to hospitalization, or exclusion from the home unless you really mean to do it. There is a risk that you may say things under the stress of the situation that you don't mean. It is important that your relative knows where he or she stands with you and that you mean what you say.
Develop A Plan Of Action
Since it is likely to be difficult at best, select a time when things are relatively calm to decide what to do. Involve as many members of the family as possible and develop an approach all can agree upon. The following set of guidelines may help you come up with a plan:
1. Be sure that all members agree on what the problem is. What exactly have members observed that has to be dealt with? Is it some unacceptable behavior that might be caused by drugs or is there clear evidence of drugs? What is the evidence?
2. Generate a number of possible solutions to the problem with the goal of acting on the one(s) that all agree are the best one(s). Of course, families will differ a great deal in what they think is possible in their situation. What follows is a hypothetical family who might come up with some of the following suggestions: -- Relate your concerns to your relative's psychiatrist or therapist. -- Confront him or her with your observations and request very specific changes in behavior. -- Plan ways to reduce access to money that might be going for drugs. -- Do anything possible to reduce his or her needs for or interest in social groups that use drugs. -- Confront the person with clear evidence that he or she is using drugs and suggest treatment.
3. Come to an agreement about what may be the best approach to try first.
4. Develop very specific steps to carrying out your plans. Decide what role each member will have in implementing the plan. If there is a decision to confront the person directly about drug use, be prepared to give the evidence. State calmly that you believe drug use is occurring, provide the evidence, and what you want the person to do about it. Refuse to get in an argument with the person.
Have a definite plan in mind, including a contact with an available treatment center, telephone numbers, etc., so you can proceed immediately if he or she should agree to treatment. It is important to avoid a moralistic tone about drug use. It is better to focus on the consequences that you have observed for the person and for his or her family. If the family decides that the problem is serious and the individual is likely to be lax about compliance with the family's reasonable requests, then negative consequences may be considered for failure to comply. This must be weighed very carefully. It is not easy to think of negative consequences for adults that one can enforce and, as we have said before, it is never wise to make threats that you don't intend to carry out.
For the usual misbehaviors, the person should be asked to make amends or the person may lose a privilege he or she enjoys. When problems get so severe that other members are at risk, the person may be forewarned that he or she will be asked to leave. Then the family must follow through. This works better if alternate housing can be arranged ahead of time so that the streets do not become the only option. Families often ask if the family should insist on total abstinence from all drug use. While authorities in the field point out that abstinence is by far the safest option, some families may find that tolerance of occasional use or agreement to cut back may get reasonable cooperation whereas insistence on total abstinence will result in denial and inability to communicate further on the subject. Recreational drugs and alcohol and prescribed medications might have serious interactive effects. Clients and families need to be fully informed about these possibilities.
